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Offline Shabib

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How to react to the situation
« on: February 26, 2008, 04:40:55 PM »
By author: Stephen Covey.

Discover the 90/10 Principle.

It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations).
What is this principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react.

What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.
We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic.
We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.

How? ……By your reaction.

You cannot control a red light. but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.

Let's use an example.

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened.

What happens next will be determined by how you react.

You curse.

You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.
 
Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. 

After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home.
 
When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
 
Why? …. Because of how you reacted in the morning.

Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is “D".

You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened.
 
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "Its ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
 
Notice the difference?

Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.

Why?

Because of how you REACTED.

You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.
 
Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you!
 
React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc. 

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them?
 
WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive?

Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.

You are told you lost your job.

Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.
 
The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take outpour frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on.
 
Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.
 
Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.
 
The result?

Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. We all must understand and apply the 90/10 principle.

It CAN change your life!!!
Enjoy….

Offline Shabib

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Re: How to react to the situation
« Reply #1 on: August 28, 2009, 02:18:50 AM »
How to Be Positive

Thought is creative. All thought, good and bad, is creative and tends to become a material thing. That is why we must learn to be more positive. Our environment and all the experiences in our life are the result of our habitual and predominant thoughts.

Negative thoughts can tell us about something that needs our attention. Our job is to discover what needs to be done and take care of it. Many people fail to see a negative occurrence as a learning experience and continue to feel victimized and helpless, ultimately blaming others for what they drew to themselves.

You are not alone. You are not hopeless. You are alive, and you are your own person.

Steps
1. Admit that you have a problem. You can't change if you don't admit your faults. Accept the fact that you are being negative. This will make it easier for you to become positive!
 
2. Have goals. Goals give you a more positive outlook on life. Those who are bored with their lives and feel stuck usually feel depressed.
 
3. Surround yourself with positive people! Our lives are shaped by the company we keep. This step is very important. Negative people will just weigh you down and ruin your goal. Let go of any friend whose behavior is holding you back from achieving your goal. It could simply be time to make new friends.
 
4. Realize that it is really all in our mind! What goes on in your mind can really determine your actions and decides whether you're positive or negative. If you always think negative thoughts, you're always going to turn out to be a negative person. It is better to think about positive thoughts.
 
5. Avoid negative influences. Even if it's a family member or close friend, do not tolerate their bad behavior. Steer clear from it so that it will not rub off on you.

6. Find an optimistic quote or saying and keep it in your wallet or pocket at all times for a quick reference.
 
7. Focus your imagination and efforts on becoming that new positive person. It is much easier to effect change if you just put your mind to it and change your thoughts. We can't always control things that happen in your life, but we can, with some effort, control what we think in our minds.
 
8. Create your life from within. If you want more success, focus on all the ways that you are already successful. If you want more love, focus on all the people that already care about you and the abundance of love you have to give to others. If you want to create greater health, focus on all the ways that you are healthy, and so on and so forth.
 
9. Imagine that you're already a positive person and you love your life. The only thing between you and your desire to be happy is one single fact: You are not happy because of how you think. This little known fact keeps many from reaching their goal of happiness. If you keep thinking things like "My life sucks!" than your life will seem like it really is that bad.
 
10. Smile at strangers. Although this may seem a little weird, it actually makes you feel more positive and happy. You may even brighten that other person's day with just a smile.
 
11. Listen to positive music. It's a great way to remain positive.
 
12. Volunteer or help others. Helping others leads to a happier outlook on your own life. You'll feel great at the end and make you feel like a good person.
 
13. Replace negative thoughts with something positive. Look for the benefit in every situation. There are pros and cons to most situations and you get to choose which you will focus on. If you're thinking something that isn't pleasant, think the opposite. If you do this long enough, it will make a huge difference. Say "I can!" more than "I can't!".

Tips
Success lies just beyond your thoughts. Know that this understanding is what inspires you to accomplish what you really desire in life. And if you are satisfied with yourself and your thoughts, there is nothing you cannot do or be. Your thoughts are powerful!

• Think about what you want, not about what you don't want. That is positive thinking.

• Be sure to cultivate positive thinking for the right reasons - to enhance the quality of your life and the lives of others.
 
• Find something positive to say to yourself and repeat them often. Use statements such as "I am a very positive person", "I am very capable", "I can do anything if I put my mind to it".
 
• Think of the cup as half full not half empty!

• Print these instructions and keep them with you for reference.

• Don't give up! Bad habits don't change without much perseverance.

• Hang around positive people and you will be like them. Hang around negativity and you'll be negative!

Warnings
• Be aware of those who do not want to be positive.
 
• There will always be someone who hates your positive outlook. Don't let it bother you. You should  simply overlook these people and let them wallow in their unhappiness. They will not change until they are ready.

So be positive.

Offline Zahida Raees Raji

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Re: How to react to the situation
« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2009, 10:06:49 AM »
Thanks brother for this wonderful article.
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Offline Shabib

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Re: How to react to the situation
« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2009, 10:50:02 PM »
Sister Raji,

Thank you for your kind words! Much appreciated.

Offline Shabib

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Re: How to react to the situation
« Reply #4 on: August 30, 2009, 12:17:05 AM »
How to Control Anger

Don't let anger like this rule your actions! Learn how to control it so you can lead a happier life.

Anger can be very destructive to yourself and others. Not only can it harm you on the outside, but in your inside as well. Anger is a feeling, or more of a destructive emotion that can, will, or might take over you without your consent or permission. The following material discusses various types of anger and how to control it.

Steps

1. Understand the reasons for your anger and understand its causes:
 
   o Examine thoughts, as the memories of the causes and reasons for the ange to arise. Limit this examination to one source and cause at a time, and isolate it from the numerous other things that may make one angry.

2. Determine whether specific anger is legitimate, or from expectation:

3. LEGITIMATE ANGER: One is certainly genuinely entitled to anger at those who do harm, cheat, lie, steal from one, or violate one in some way. One may be legitimately angry at circumstance such as the situation of an orphan, incest, rape, deceit and innumerable other injustices. And so the anger is justified and it is there, and it is quite natural. This justified anger may be amplified by frustration, where one cannot do anything to rectify the cause, either because it is in the past and done, or because the cause cannot or will not be changed. Dwelling on this anger often causes extreme emotional states, adrenalines rush, the racing of thoughts and the exaggeration of other slights related or not.
 
   o Deal with Legitimate Anger: It comes down to - one wants justice. Anger may be readily justified by difficult circumstances and people. One would expect not to get robbed and when one does one is entitled to get and be angry. However the anger and bitterness only compounds the original injustice extending it into perpetuity. One allows the perpetrator the control of one's feelings endlessly, not only in the past but in the present as well.
 
   o Realize anger becomes an identity. 'I am angry person, hear me roar'. This entitles one to special privileges and compensations. It gives one power. Attempt to discover the entitlements one's anger has provided one, and that one becomes dependent. One may derive emotional energy and motivation from anger, to power trip and just to get one's own way. Perhaps a better way to channel this type of anger is to get mad at things that don't affect one exactly personally, like the news. Channel anger into creative motivation like art, writing, manual labor or sports.

   o Realize that depression, even that diagnosed by a professional, can at root be caused by anger, and the frustration arising when it cannot or is not rectified, and there is no justice. Because anger in most cases must be suppressed, so as to not cause harm to oneself and others, or its source has caused humiliation and shame, and because one seethes with it when not released, and one pushes it into the unconscious, its unresolved festering can cause depression.

   o Understand that unresolved anger is often directed unfairly at others by stereotype, as individual persons, groups or organizations. Unable or unwilling to confront the source of one's anger, one may create a general category resembling the character of the source and attack those of that type to get justice. It is unfair to guiltless parties.
 
   o Determine fault by an honest assessment, mostly to determine whether one has misplaced blame on oneself. Do not take blame for others misconduct. If one has some culpability take responsibility for it, wherein it helps to admit and cross check with others. Refuse to take any responsibility where one is not at fault. This means there is no guilt. However if one has culpability one may have diverted the anger from the self to another party. One might find that they may have exaggerated the source incident out of proportion. Until one accepts responsibility there will be no resolution, but only endless recrimination.

   o Attempt to discover one's true feelings toward the source of one's anger and of oneself in relation to it. One may feel they cannot put the blame on someone they love, or admit hate especially if one does not believe they hate, or cannot love one they think they hate, or cannot hate one they think they love.

   o Separate out conflicts of interest, such as emotions in conflict with ambitions and desires, such like confrontation with an anger source that controls inheritance or livelihood. One may have to choose between material benefit and self-well being.

   o Purge the anger. This is a necessity and can be done in a variety of ways. Confront the perpetrator. Do not get revenge even if you think the perpetrator truly deserves it. Revenge is a destructive cycle that ends up harming you as much as it harms them. Just confess it calmly to oneself and to others. Write it out. Once one has made it conscious, the next step is to say it aloud to others, as the case with 'whatever' Anonymous. This can be a professional, a group, friends or complete strangers.

   o Accept it. What is done is done. Move along nothing to see here. Get over what is only a negative force in one's life.
 
   o Forgive and realize that under different life circumstances you might have been capable of doing the same thing.
 
4. EXPECTATION ANGER: means one creates expectations of one's own choosing, or adopts them from family, friends or the culture in general. Anger may arise when actual experience or present thinking does not conform to expectation, and where that expectation is important and has consequence. Expectation is standards, rules, laws, tradition, custom, the way one expects others and reality and general to be. When reality does not meet expectations, one may get angry. This anger problem can be dealt with by changing one's expectations.

   o Do not expect others to share the same standards, values, and expectations as oneself. Maybe the most common expectation is expecting others to conform to one's own standards. Don't assume others who make one angry are doing it intentionally. They may simply have different standards. In some cities in the world everyone beeps their horn when the light changes to green. One may get angry because someone's faux pas is interpreted as willful disrespect, arrogance or animosity, when actually the true problem may be they are simply unaware of what one's standards are. Confront the perpetrator in some way to let them know that they are making one angry. Of course caution must be considered in the event of the possibility of violence.
 
   o High expectations for other people when unrealized may tend to cause anger. Anger may be created by imposing expectations and by having them imposed on one. Attempt to understand the motivations for one's high expectations. One may discover they have more to do with one's own flaws of character. Recognize that imposing one's own standards on others is fascist. Let them have their own life. When there is conflict: discuss it, argue it out, compromise or separate. One may not like it when others do it to one, but to then do it to others, can only be for the reason of some higher authority. One may have to learn to avoid these kinds of people.
 
   o When something makes one angry express and let it out immediately in some calm and intelligent way and do not suppress it. Make understandings with others concerning one's annoyances. One should expect that compromise might be necessary. In relationships, expectations should be known and agreed upon by all parties. Expectations for children or anyone for that matter should be relative to their capacities and equally explained.
 
   o You can change your expectations: Anger can be dealt with by changing one's expectations. One may change, as raise or lower one's expectations for circumstances and other people. It is useless to expect a dog to adopt religion, and the failure can only cause disappointment and anger. People who are wedded to strict, standards and absolutes are subject to anger when others do not conform. Apply standards to oneself and not necessarily others. Separate the responsibility for one's own standards from others.
 
   o Always discuss with others what it is they do that causes one's anger and attempt a resolution or compromise. Relationships may have to be ended if no resolution can be reached, when the anger is destructive to all members involved. The break may be a better option than the continuous friction and perhaps violence and humiliation of all.
 
5. CIRCUMSTANTIAL ANGER: Anger at circumstance can be difficult to solve since it is often difficult to change, like children who don't like their family for instance. Learn to accept reality as it naturally is. Avoid circumstance that causes anger whenever possible, like avoiding certain people, situations and relationships. Learn one's own capacities and do not get angry at one's inability to live up to things that are not realistic for one's own abilities. Many times these things may become possible as one gets older, or they may simply be impossible. Personally not planning on ever becoming a millionaire. Not fair is it? It may help to accept the world the way one finds it and not create anger by having unrealistic expectations.

Tips

If the above fails, seek therapy or anger management groups. Or with the net one can go on line, and find dozens, hundreds, perhaps thousands with a same or similar problem. One can join chat groups.
 
• One can mitigate one's anger by transference. Transfer one's anger to inanimate objects like a punching bag.
 
• If at any time you are thinking about doing something that would hurt yourself or other people get help immediately.
 
If you feel anger taking over, remove yourself from the situation before things become too heated.
 
• Recognize that sometimes anger is justified, and may need to come out. However, realize that there are productive ways to do it instead of lashing out at others.
 
• Ask yourself if the future recipient of your furor deserves to be blown up at, or if you are just using them as a punching bag to release steam about another person/issue that bothers you.
 
• Sometimes, instead of talking to someone directly, it is more appropriate to write a letter.
 
Taking yoga can be a long-term solution to anger problems, allowing you to focus on your feelings and release your stress.
 
• If at all possible, remove yourself from the situation. It's amazing the difference 8-hours of sleep or a 5-minute walk can make. Time gives you distance from the issue, allowing you to put things into perspective.
 
• Find a creative outlet, such as writing, drawing etc. where you can expend your energy. Hobbies help elevate your mood and allow you to channel energy that you'd usually spent dwelling on issues that you aren't able to resolve. Imagine what you could do with the energy you expend in anger if you channeled it into something else.
 
• There is a difference between controlling anger and holding it in until later. If you are unable to avoid feelings of anger, try to release your bottled up feelings later in positive forms like art, exercise, or some other hobby.
 
• Try thinking of stuff that you are thankful for. The more specific, the better. You can't be truly angry and thankful at the same time.
 
Meditation is a useful way to release stress and/or anxiety, which are often prerequisites to anger. Do not meditate when you are angry, as this could have a negative effect on your anger. Instead, meditate when you have calmed down and are in complete control of your thoughts and emotions.
 
Remember, we are all human and tend to get angry at someone or something. You can tell someone how you feel and see if they can help you.
 
• Try writing down all the things that happened today (try at least a whole front and back of a page, or more) and how you feel about yourself and other people.
 
Try to go in an empty room and count to 10.

Warnings

• You may need to see a professional on mental health if problems still exist.
 
• If you feel like you lose control when you're angry, seek psychological help.
 
• Anger is never, ever an excuse to strike out at or abuse (physically or verbally) the people around you.
 
• Find something that releases your anger (nothing violent or harmful) this could be as simple as throwing a few punches at your punching bag in the basement.
 
• Do not hurt a person or animal. In fact, stay away from them when you are angry.
 
• Don't abuse yourself (e.g.: cutting, substance abuse) this won't make you feel better and will only hurt you more.

So, don't let anger ruin your life.


Offline Shabib

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Re: How to react to the situation
« Reply #5 on: September 01, 2009, 02:15:14 AM »
How to Be Kind

Do you bite someone's head off once they start talking? Or do all your friends describe you as too mean? Well here I will tell you how to be kind.

Steps
Be happy (not phony happy). Before you can be kind to others you have to be kind to yourself. Calling yourself fat or ugly makes you feel bad and you may try to criticize other people for justification.

Avoid gossiping/spreading rumors about other people. If someone is being mean to another person, like calling them stupid or fat, try not to join in. You could even stand up for them. If your friends are aggressively-teasing or gossiping-about someone, give a non-confrontational defense---such as "She's always been nice to me" (provided she has always been nice to you, don't lie; lying is wrong)---or steer them away from that conversation topic to at least delay them until you leave.
 
• Be a good listener. When talking to someone try to listen and sincerely pay-attention until they are almost done.
Compliment people on something they're wearing (e.g. "Oh, I love your shirt!" or "Your shoes are awesome!"). Try not to get jealous; if they know you're jealous it can cause an awkward moment; it's very awkward when you want something they're wearing. If someone compliments you, thank them and continue what you were doing or compliment them in return, out of obligation (remember this person is trying to be nice and friendly towards you, perhaps wanting to be your friend).
 
Be yourself, don't concern yourself with whether or not you look "dumb" while you are doing something; most of the time people aren't really paying attention anyway.
 
• Start each day with a plan. Think of what you would like to see and do, then think of someone who is lonely, perhaps lives alone and has no family (the more depressed the better!). Ask this person to join you in your plan for the day. Share your time with them (e.g. ask them to lunch); this could be the highlight of their week or life. Take joy in making others happy!
 
• Offer to pet-sit when you know a friend is going on vacation. If you know a neighbor is sick, ask them if they need groceries when you go grocery shopping.
 
• Stop and talk to someone who is lonely, share a cup of coffee and pay twice the bill.
 
• Whatever you say, whenever you say it, do so in a calm, polite voice that is respectful to the other party. Don't unnecessarily raise your voice, as it makes you seem like a rude person.
 
• Help, even if you aren't asked. You should look around to see if anyone needs help and help them without prompt. It can be a simple thing, to help someone with something that he seems to have difficulties in or something you think he needs or will need. Whenever you can, try to help someone else. It could be at their work, with their homework or about their relationships and more. If someone asks you something, be open-minded and don't immediately dismiss them, try to be as helpful as you can. Even if you don't do what they asked, you can at least suggest another to possibly aid them.
 
• Make it a hobby to volunteer somewhere every once in a while or do something really nice for other people.
 
• Don't feel the need to gloat about your good-deeds; be humble. Doing something nice solely for the good graces of those around you isn't really kindness. Aiding someone unaware of your help can feel just as good.
 
• Adopt pets; it is an excellent exercise of loving kindness. You can even adopt temporarily by offering to foster an animal and help socialize it so that it can be adopted by another family or person.

• If someone is upset, comfort them by consoling them and giving them a hug. Ask them if they would like to talk about it. If they have had a fallen out with a friend that is your friend, hear both sides of the story before picking sides and do not annoy them if they want to talk in private.

Tips
• Don't think only of the short term; the kind acts you perform today may teach someone to do kind acts for others, they will learn from your example as the recipient of your kindness.
 
• You might not like everyone and that's normal; even the nicest people on earth get annoyed! Just continue being polite nonetheless.
 
• When someone drops something, pick it up for them. Or you can even offer to pick it up together, no matter the size!

• If someone you do not know smiles at you, don't hesitate to smile back; it's a kind gesture.
 
• Kindness is free so purchase it everyday!

Warnings
• If someone comments in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, try to ignore them. If they keep bothering or antagonizing you, seek your friends for protection. It is best to tell a trusted adult, such as a parent or teacher about such issues.


So, be kind to others.

Offline zindan

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Re: How to react to the situation
« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2009, 06:18:20 PM »
Wow!
Swet topic had ben contributed,thay had touch ma heart ,i always cnsult ma frnds and elders 4 n,curagin bt dese topics get me a new goal to live.. . . , . . . Thx to ma dearx. . . . . . .
♥"Balochi mey wati shahdin zuban enth"(ff)

Offline Shabib

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Re: How to react to the situation
« Reply #7 on: September 13, 2009, 11:22:49 PM »
Brother Zindan,

Thank you so much for your kind sweet words!  Much appreciated.

God bless you and keep you always in good health - Aameen.



Offline Shabib

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Re: How to react to the situation
« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2009, 12:21:31 AM »
‎The Status of Parents in Islam

"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or more attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, "my Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood." (Quran 17: 23,24)

All religions and all societies have given parents an honorable status. From a purely material viewpoint, we find ourselves indebted to our parents, particularly our mother. She not only nourished us in her womb, but went through pain and suffering. She loved us even before we were born. She toiled when we were totally helpless infants. She spent sleepless nights caring for us. Our parents as a team provided for all our needs: physical, educational, psychological, and in many instances, religious, moral, and spiritual. Our indebtedness to our parents is so immense that it is not possible to repay it fully. In lieu of this, it becomes obligatory for us to show the utmost kindness, respect, and obedience to our parents. The position of parents, and the mutual obligations and responsibilities, have been addressed in Islam in great detail. The Qur'anic commandments, as well as the sayings of Prophet Muhammad guide us in this matter. The parent-child code of behavior in Islam is unique, since rules were laid down by divine command (pbuh).

References to parents have been made at least 15 times in the Holy Qur'an. There are numerous traditions of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) on this subject. I will first quote some of the Qur'anic verses here:

"And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents. In travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in two years was his weaning. Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents; to Me is thy final goal." (Chapter31: verse14)

According to the above verse, gratitude to God and to parents go hand in hand. Gratitude to God is incomplete without showing gratitude to one's parents. Since being grateful to God is a form of ibadah (worship) which earns heavenly rewards, it can therefore be said that being grateful to one's parents also earns heavenly rewards.

"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or more attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, "my Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood." (17: 23,24)

"We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth." (46:15)

Thus, God has enjoined on us to show kindness, respect, and humility to our parents. We are commanded to do this, even though they may have injured us. The only exception to the above command is made in the following verse:

"We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; but if they strive (to force) thee to join with Me anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not." 29:8

Some of the traditions of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), and of the learned members of his family, about our responsibilities toward our parents are quoted here:

"Paradise lies under the feet of the mother."

"God's pleasure is in the pleasure of the father, and God's displeasure is in the displeasure of the father."

"He who wishes to enter Paradise through its best door must please his parents."

"It is a pity that some people may not attain Paradise, on account of not serving their old parents."

"If a person looks with love at his parents, God writes in his favor the reward equal to the performance of one Hajj."

[Someone asked, "will this promise be good if one looks at his parents one hundred times a day?" The Holy Prophet (pbuh) replied, "even if one does so a hundred thousand times a day, God gives the reward accordingly."]

"A man or woman is bound to be good to his or her parents, even though they may have injured him or her."

Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (A.S.), the great-great-grandson of the Prophet Muhammad is reported to have quoted Imam 'Ali (A.S.) that, "disobedience to parents is a major sin." He also stated that, "if a person looks at the face of his or her parents with wrathful eyes, despite the fact that injustice was done to him or her by the parents, his or her salah (prayer) will not be accepted by God."

According to one of the Hadith-e-Qudsi, the following is reported about the status of parents:

"God has commanded that if anybody prays equal to the invocations performed by the prophets, such prayers will do no good if that person has been cursed by his or her parents."

It has also been related that the very first words which have been written on the Lauh-e-Mahfuz (The Heavenly Preserved Tablet) are:

"I am God, and there is no deity except Me. I am pleased with those with whom their parents are pleased, and I am displeased with those with whom their parents are displeased."

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is reported to have said: "On the Day of Judgment, my person will not be seen by those who drank liquor, those who on hearing my name did not invoke the blessings of God on me, or those who were cursed and disowned by their parents."

'Ali ibn al-Husain (A.S.) is reported to have said: "The right of your mother on you is that you should know that nobody could endure the trouble and the conditions under which she protected you and nourished you with the juice of her life, and tried with her heart and soul to satisfy all your needs in relation to hunger, thirst, dress, etc. She passed sleepless nights, suffering anxieties. She provided you with shelter against heat and cold, and protected you from ailments. It is not possible for you to compensate her, or thank her enough for all the services, except that God may give you guidance for that. The right of your father on you is that you should know that it is he who brought you into existence, and you are a branch of the tree of his life."

According to a reliable tradition, it is related that a man came to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and asked him to whom he should render kindness. The prophet told him to be kind to his mother. Three times he put the same question to the prophet, and three times he got the same answer. When he asked the question the fourth time, he was told to be kind to his father, indicating that the mother's right took precedence over that of the father.

Parents' duties: Islam has assigned certain duties to parents that they must fulfill. If they fail in those, they will be questioned about it. Besides providing the basic necessities of life, Islam requires that the parents teach their children about the Oneness of God, the Quranic commandments, values, the Prophets and their teachings, and the moral code of Islam as according to the Quran and the Sunnah (teachings) of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).

Prophet Musa (asw)
Once, while Prophet Musa (asw) conversing with Almighty Allah, requested:
"O' Lord! I desire to meet the person, who is to be my companion in Paradise."

Jibril (Gabriel) descended and informed Prophet Musa (asw) that his companion was to be a butcher who lived in a certain place.

Prophet Musa (asw) set out in search of him and arrived at his place, he noticed a youth, resembling a night watchman, busy selling meat.
When night fell, the youth took some meat and proceeded towards his house. Prophet Musa (asw) approached the youth and said, "Would you not like to have a guest?" The youth willingly agreed and took Prophet Musa (asw) inside his house.

Prophet Musa (asw) watched the youth preparing some food. When he had finished, he brought down a large basket from the upper storey. Bringing out an old and wizened woman from inside it, he washed her and then proceeded to feed her with his own hands. When the youth was about to carry the basket back to its original place, Prophet Musa (asw) noticed the old woman's lips move as she mumbled something incomprehensible.

The youth then brought food for Prophet Musa (asw) and both of them ate their dinner. Prophet Musa (asw) inquired, "What is your relation with this old woman?"
The youth replied, "She is my mother and since my financial state does not allow me to purchase a slave-girl for her, I myself strive to serve and look after her."

Prophet Musa (asw) questioned further, "What did your mother mumble before you took her upstairs?"

The youth responded, "Whenever I wash her and feed her, my mother prays: May Allah forgive you and place you in the company and in the rank of Prophet Musa (asw) in Paradise."

Hearing this, Prophet Musa (asw) said, "O' Youth! I give you glad tidings; Allah (saw) has accepted your mother's prayers and Jibril (Gabriel) has informed me that you shall be my companion in Paradise!"

(QUR’AN 17: 23-24)
Allah (saw) said: “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor reprimand them but address them in terms of honor.”
“And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: My Lord! Bestow on them Your mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.''

( HADITH )
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said: “He is doomed, he is doomed, he is doomed, the man whose parents, one or both of them, reach old age while he is alive and he does not enter Paradise.” (This version is Sahih although no one recorded it other than Muslim.)

COMMENTARY: Allah (saw) commands us to treat our parents kindly, gently, politely and with respect and appreciation. Not let them hear anything offensive words from us, not even say "Uff!'' which is the mildest word of disrespect.

We hope and pray that all of us will respect our parents while they are alive and after their death. One can honour his parents after their death through the following methods:

1. Performing daily Du'aa' (supplication) for them.

2. Giving charity on their behalf.

3. Instituting a perpetual charity on their behalf, such as a mosque, an Islamic Centre, an Islamic library, an Islamic hospital, an orphanage, etc.

4. Performing Hajj on their behalf, or asking someone to do so.

5. Distributing Islamic literature on their behalf.

Let us pray to God that He guide us to be respectful, kind, and obedient to our parents, and that we continue to show them humility regardless of the power, position, wealth, and influence we may possess. Let us also pray that we be patient, kind, thoughtful, and friendly with our children, as we guide them through their lives, and that we discharge our responsibilities towards them as required by our religion, so that God may be pleased with us, and may He Bless and reward us, both in this world and in the Hereafter;

O Allah! Accept our humble prayers and make us obedient slaves to You.

O Allah! Help us to be respectful children to our parents. Aameen.

Finally, please watch this short video clip by clicking the link below:

Thank you very much for your time reading and watching the clip.


http://tv.muxlim.com/video/HE9jlGJzwwe/Prophet-Muhammad-PBUH-taught-us-to-be-kind-to-our-parents./


Offline Shabib

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Re: How to react to the situation
« Reply #9 on: October 11, 2009, 08:16:09 AM »
How to React when Your Apology Is Not Accepted

You've thought about it, and maybe the thing you said was a little callous. Or maybe you reacted prematurely and did something you now regret. Whatever the reason, you've put aside your pride and apologized for your actions. And the other person has rejected it. What to do now?

Steps
1. Don't Panic. This isn't the end of the world. It is embarrassing, but what is important is that you've admitted your guilt and also your sorrow at what has happened. Keep your wits about you and try not to get emotional. If they are upset enough at you to shoot down an apology, they will likely relish seeing you flustered or hurt.

2. Don't Get Defensive. Do not start your next sentence with something like "Oh yeah? Well guess what!" Such words can only make a bad situation much worse.

3. Try to Understand. Maybe the wound is still too fresh for them to think clearly enough to accept an apology. Maybe they have no interest in forgiving you and want you to live in guilt forever for what happened, in which case you need to reconcile any guilty feelings you have with the fact that you feel remorse.

4. What to Say? Simply and politely say "I'm very sorry to hear that. I want you to know that I respect the fact that you can't forgive me. If you want to talk about this sometime in the future, I am open to that. I hope some day we can move past this." By taking the high road, you have saved your integrity as well as the possibility for a possible future reconciliation.

Tips
Be open to what they have to say, even if you don't agree with it. Just listen and try to figure out where they are coming from and what they are feeling.

If they are too upset to even hear you out, just say "This is a bad time. We'll talk about this later" and leave. Nothing good will come out of a shouting match or a heated argument.

Warnings
If there is a possibility of a legal proceeding, don't say anything until you have had the chance to speak to a lawyer. In some jurisdictions an apology is seen as an admission of guilt.

So, don't give up hoop!

Offline Zahida Raees Raji

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Re: How to react to the situation
« Reply #10 on: January 17, 2011, 10:19:08 AM »
Braat Shabib Salam o drout o durah baatet,

tai ey nebeshtaank man sak deera pad marouchi random articles e taha dist o yak randey pada wantag o del a hubb kot keh ishiya sticky ham bekanan' daan' may visitors (baask nagoshan keh noo baaskan' baask.com yal daatag o aa as a guest kayag louTant) ham buwanant.

Ey nebeshtank maara drustan' saggag o oopaar kashshag e seken dant.
ey bey saggag o bey oopaariye barkatent keh may society e tooka (haas baloch) zehni o jismaani naadurayii o naarahati a jagah kotag. kas kasa heshkot nakant, kas kasa sarpad nabit, har kas goshit keh aa raast o deym e mardom radent.

agan' kasey mana jantt, mani sara ey laazum ent keh man aahiya bejanan' (thuri mani braat bibit) bale man ey sahata shamoshan' keh chagerd a mani naam harab bitten',  mani behavior e asar mani goona hamgranchen' mardomani nang o naam e sara ham kapit bale pah maan' react kanag laazum ent.

aa kas keh react nakant aa buzdil goshag bit pameshka ma buzdel eshkonag wa bardasht nakanen' bale react kanag a chey wati jenda o naam a zalar dayag bardasht kanen'.

braat shabib tai patt o pol kotagen' points maara yak juwaanen' waRiyaa wati jind e sarpadiyaa dant o souj dant keh chey paem behaviors e react kanag bibit.


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