Author Topic: Meri apni nazm "AasmaaN zard hai (By Ahmad Salim) "  (Read 2438 times)

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Offline Ahmed Salim

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Meri apni nazm "AasmaaN zard hai (By Ahmad Salim) "
« on: September 17, 2008, 05:02:38 PM »
Asman Zard hai


main ne deka hai hankoon main shabnam bsa e
tere asmaan ko
mehrban ko,
woh deya jo kabi
jal raha tha  mere hashean main
so gea hai,
kaen tere rast e ke dohndlahaton main
safar ko gea hai
agar hasako tu ,
chaeragoon se kuch hahateen lay ke hao
dohan lay k hau
k main ek samandar
tere badban se pre hon
mohabat ka ye asman zard hai


Online Zahida Raees Raji

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AasmaaN zard hai (By Ahmad Salim)
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2008, 07:04:26 AM »
Janab Ahmed Salim SaaHeb:
purKhulooS tasleemaat,

aap kee naZm dekhii. taKhayyul acha hai. Roman Urdu likhne meN aap se kuch Ghalat^iyaaN hoovii heN jiske sabab alfaaz apne SaHeH talaffuz ke saath paRhne meN dushvaarii hoovii hai.
kuch correction kar ke aap kee naZm ko re-type kiyaa hai aap dekh leejiye gaa. (agar buraa meHsoos ho tu darguzar kar deejiye gaa)

Roman Urdu ke standards ko samajhne ke liye ho sake tu is link ko bhi dekh leejiye.

http://www.sarwarraz.com/tahqiqipage_ur.php?id=232&pageid=8&title=rt-232.gif


AasmaaN zard hai

maiN ne dekhaa hai haankhooN meN shabnam base
tere aasmaan ko
mehrbaan ko,
woh deya jo kabhi
jal raha thaa  mere aashiyaaN meN
so gayaa hai.
kaheN tere raste ki
dhoundlahaTooN meN
safar ko gayaa hai

agar ho sake tu
charaagoon se kuch hahaTeN le ke aao
dho,aaN le ke aao
keh maiN ik samandar
tere badan se pare hooN
moHabbat ka yeh aasmaaN zard hai.

 
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Offline ناہید بلوچ Naheed Baloch

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Re: Meri apni nazm "AasmaaN zard hai (By Ahmad Salim) "
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2008, 01:40:09 PM »
Aadab Ahmed salim ji
Aap ki nazam perhny mein zara mushkil mehsos hoyi ,, sis zahida ny Aap ki nazam sahi andaz mein likh di hay ab samaj Aayi ......koyi bat nahi likhny mein khabi khabi asa ho jata hy Aap roman urdu likhny ka tarika sikh lo ....Aap ki nazam ka andaz acha hy koshish karooo aur acha likh saktey ho ...
hame baask forum per Aap ki mazid shayiri ka intezar rahey ga...
Naheed Umer Baloch