Baask- Home of Balochi Language, Literature & Culture

General Diwan => Hobbies, fun games & Humour => Topic started by: DesertRose on April 24, 2005, 09:19:17 AM

Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: DesertRose on April 24, 2005, 09:19:17 AM: HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually, I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: It must have been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams.

:$
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: DesertRose on April 25, 2005, 09:50:55 PM: This sardarji goes to the doctor and says "Doc,I ache all over.Every where i touch it hurts."
The doc says"OK.touch ur elbow."
The sardarji touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain.
The doc,surprised,says "touch ur head."
The sardarji touches his head and jumps in agony. The doc asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens.
Every where the sardarji touches it hurts like hell.
The doc is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays etc.. and tells the sardar to come back in 2 days.
Two days later the sardar comes back and the doctor says, "We've found ur problem."

"oh yeah?what is it?"

'you've broken ur Finger!'.
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Zahida Raees Raji on April 26, 2005, 09:50:13 AM: extremly funny :)

Thank you dear sis desertRoze for starting a wounderful thread.

I am looking forward for more jokes :)
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on April 26, 2005, 07:21:37 PM: Thanku DesertRose Jee Velly Funny Jokes U Post

Check This One

ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED
SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY

WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES.
MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD,
MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI,
MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON.
SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Alpha_baloch on May 18, 2005, 02:46:57 AM: Quote from: DesertRose
HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

:>
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Alpha_baloch on May 18, 2005, 02:50:30 AM: Quote from: Baba

ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED
SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY

WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES.
MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD,
MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI,
MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON.
SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!

so funny baba sabit
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on May 19, 2005, 07:41:40 PM: Sardar Again!! :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

Once upon a time, a Sardarji saw a boy who wore his cap in the back direction.
This event really harrased the social nature of sardarji and

then he also decided to wear his pagari in the backward direction .
While he was on his way to his office another Sardar saw him and asked

"Sardarji aa rahe ho ke jaa rahe ho"
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Zahida Raees Raji on June 29, 2005, 12:38:32 PM: Quote from: Alpha_baloch
Quote from: Baba

ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED
SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY

WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES.
MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD,
MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI,
MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON.
SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!

so funny baba sabit

O my God! What are you telling brother Alpha_baloch, you mean brother Sabit is funny...
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on June 29, 2005, 08:07:55 PM: Quote
O my God! What are you telling brother Alpha_baloch, you mean brother Sabit is funny...

No Sis He mean My Joke Wich I Post :mrgreen:
Alpha Tayi che khyaal ey Men Ya Mani Joke

Long Time Wallah I DiD'nt Post Any Joke Let Me Post Today
I Hope U ppl enjoyed Reading My Joke's There Waz Only One Who Always Like Reading My Jokes I Dont No Where Iz She To repply .....
Im Talking About My Sis ZEBA :>

Sis Zeba Plz Come Back I Have Lot Of Jokes To Share :p
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on June 29, 2005, 08:23:52 PM: Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son sabit :mrgreen: .

Wake up, sabit :mrgreen: . It's time to go to school!"
But why, Mom? I don't want to go."

Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
Well, the School Boys hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!"

Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get
ready Sabit :mrgreen: " :mrgreen:

Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the

PRINCIPAL!"
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on July 29, 2005, 06:39:57 PM: :mrgreen:

Mr Bush

President George W Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy."
So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy."
One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy."

No, says Bush, "that would be an ACCIDENT."

A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy."

I'm afraid not," explains Mr. President. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer.

President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. Bush, were struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens by a terrorist, that would be a tragedy."
Fantastic," exclaims Bush, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?"

Well,says the boy, because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss.
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on August 16, 2005, 08:26:03 PM: (http://70.84.190.115/3722/77/emo/014.gif) Sardar je

Sardarji is travelling by train.
He feels sleepy, so he gives the guy opposite 20 rupees to wake him up when his station comes.
This guy is a barber. He feels that for 20 rupees Sardarji deserves more.
So, when Sardarji falls asleep, the barber quietly shaves off his beard.
When the station arrives, he wakes up Sardarji and sends him home.
Reaching home, he goes to wash his face, and suddenly screams when he sees the mirror.
Sardarni asks, "What's the matter?"
"The cheat on the train takes my 20 rupees and wakes up someone else!"
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on September 22, 2005, 12:09:40 AM: A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their
35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and
said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."

"Ooh, I want to travel around the worldwith my darling husband" said the wife

The fairy moved her magic stick and ~ abracadabra! ~ two tickets for the new QueenMary2 luxury liner appeared in her hands.

Now it was the husbands turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime,so, I'm sorry my love, but my wish s to go on this trip with a woman who is 30 years younger than me".

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish...So the fairy made a circle with her magic stick
abracadabra! the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story...Men might be ungrateful idiots... But
fairies are....female
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on September 22, 2005, 12:18:29 AM: Real Brain Stumpers

1) A big fat Indian and a small thin Indian were sitting outside a teepee, each smoking a pipe. The little Indian was the son of the big Indian, but the big Indian was not the little Indian's father. How come?

{Solution}

The big Indian was the little Indian's mother.

2) Mary's husband's father-in-law is Mary's husband's brother's brother-in-law, and Mary's sister-in-law is Mary's brother's stepmother. How did this happen?

{Solution}

Mary's father married the sister of Mary's husband.

3) Over the side of a boat floating in a harbor there hangs a rope ladder containing ten rungs. Each rung is one foot from the next one and the bottom rung is resting on the surface of the water. The tide rises at a rate of one foot an hour. How long will it take the water to reach the top rung?

{Solution}

It will never reach the top rung because the boat will rise with the tide.

4) A sparrow has fallen into a hole in a rock. The hole measures three inches in diameter and is three feet deep. Due to the depth of the hole, the sparrow cannot be reached by hand. We cannot use sticks or canes, because we could hurt the bird. How can you get the bird out?

{Solution}

By gradually pouring sand into the hole. The bird will keep moving so that it is not buried in the sand, forcing it higher until it comes out.

5) Timothy and Urban play a game with two dice. But they do not use the numbers. Some of the faces are painted red and the others blue. Each player throws the dice in turn. Timothy wins when the two top faces are the same color. Urban wins when the colors are different. Their chances are even.
The first die has 5 red faces and 1 blue face. How many red and how many blue are there on the second die?

{Solution}

Each die has 6 faces. When two dice are thrown, there are 36 equally possible results. For chances to be even, there must be 18 ways of getting the same color on top. Let X be the number of red faces on the second die. We have: 18 = 5X + 1(6 - X)
X = 3 The second die must have 3 red faces and 3 blue faces.

6) A ribbon is 30 inches long. If you cut it with a pair of scissors into one-inch pieces, how many snips would it take?

{Solution}

Twenty-nine snips. The last two inches are divided by one snip.

7) A Ferrari is traveling at 30 miles per hour on a head-on collision course with a Maserati, which is being driven at a leisurely 20 miles per hour. When the two cars are exactly 50 miles apart, a very fast fly leaves the front fender of the Ferrari and travels towards the Maserati at 100 miles per hour. When it reaches the Maserati, it instantly reverses direction and flies back to the Ferrari and continues winging back and forth between the rapidly approaching cars. At the moment the two cars collide, what is the total distance the fly has covered?

{Solution}

At first glance it may seem that a horrendous calculation is necessary to solve this: the sum of an infinite series of numbers that get smaller and smaller as the cars approach each other. But if you focus on time rather than distance, a solution is easy. The cars are 50 miles apart and traveling towards each other at a combined speed of 50 miles per hour, so they will meet in one hour. In that hour, a fly that flies at 100 miles per hour will naturally travel 100 miles.
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on October 06, 2005, 09:21:55 PM: I ASKED MY HEART

I ASKED MY HEART ,
WHO IS THE BIGGEST SINNER?
IT SAID ,
YOU. :%
I ASKED MY HEART ,
WHO IS THE BIGGEST LIAR?
IT SAID ,
YOU. :((

I ASKED MY HEART ,
WHO IS THE BIGGEST CRIMINAL?
IT SAID ,
YOU. :'(

I ASKED MY HEART ,
WHO IS THE BIGGEST FRAUD?
IT SAID ,
YOU. :'(

I ASKED MY HEART ,
WHO IS THE BIGGEST IDIOT?
IT SAID ,
YOU. :?

I ASKED MY HEART ,
WHO IS THE BIGGEST DUFFER?
IT SAID ,
YOU. :%

I ASKED MY HEART ,
WHO IS THE BIGGEST FOOL?
IT SAID ,
YOU. ^o)

I ASKED MY HEART ,
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY YOU?
IT SAID ,
THE PERSON WHO IS READING THIS ARTICLE :mrgreen:
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Imran on October 07, 2005, 03:04:23 AM: Salaam diwan!

It is a tru story and a jok too, so hear it goes I'm not sure it is funny or not (car boot is different then the boots we wear, I hope the driver guys know about the car boot)

An englihs teacher in Arica! and there is an army carfew u can see check post every 15 miles. and the teacher has to travel to school for a few mlies by his car every day.

He reaches at the check post the fellows stop him

First check his car and then ask to teacher "take off your boots"

Teacher did so not asking a word for the first day

The young soldier do the same thing with teacher evry day

One day teacher dares to ask them. Its ok to check my car but why you ask me to take off my boots every day

The soldiers first look at each other and say: we don't know we asked to check all cars and their boots.
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Bijjar on October 07, 2005, 04:22:25 PM: There were three boys who wanted to be in good terms with their new teacher.
They all decided to bring in a gift.
The first boy gave the teacher a box, she shook it and then she smelled it.
She knew the boy's father worked in a candy store so she asked the boy if it were candy.
The boy said, yes.
The next boy gave her the box he had. Then she shook the box and smelled it. She knew this boy's father was a florist. She asked, Is it flowers?
The boy said, yes.
The next boy gave her his box, she knew his father worked at a distillery. Then she asked, Is it Rum?
The boy said, no.
Is it Vodka?
The boy said, no.
She shook the box and it started to leak.
She decided to taste what was leaking out.
Then she said, I don't know, What is it?
The boy said, it's a puppy.
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on November 10, 2005, 01:02:41 AM: There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him,"I've kidnapped you."The Sardarji then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag & put it beneath the mango tree next to the slide on the north side of the city playground". Signed, "A Sardarji"

The Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath the mango tree. The Sardarji opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note saying, "How could you do this to a fellow Sardarji?!"
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on November 10, 2005, 01:05:19 AM: Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and
Studying.... When a Person asked what he was doing.???
He replied... Oye!!
Higher
Studies
Yaar...!!!
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Nuno on January 17, 2006, 11:53:29 PM: aik bachay ko uski mammy nay kaha k beta dood pi lao ... dood penay say color white hojata hai ...
lerka ...nahi mamy esay nahi hota ager essa hota tu bachara kala kyun hota hai -
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on January 18, 2006, 10:36:39 PM: (http://img295.imageshack.us/img295/379/32ud.gif)
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on January 18, 2006, 10:39:58 PM: (http://img481.imageshack.us/img481/7530/jk44kc.gif)
(http://img78.imageshack.us/img78/9528/jk52yo.gif)
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on January 18, 2006, 10:45:48 PM: (http://img499.imageshack.us/img499/6279/jk63qp.gif)
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on January 18, 2006, 10:49:04 PM: (http://img493.imageshack.us/img493/8854/jk79rf.gif)
(http://img487.imageshack.us/img487/3944/jk88ss.gif)
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Nuno on January 20, 2006, 12:56:46 AM: boby to his cozin tania u
know iam gonna have a new bro soon
tania:how come u know that it'd b a brother
boby:coz last time my mom got ill and she went to hospital ,after that she brought my younger sis to home
and this time my papa has gone to hospital
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Nuno on January 28, 2006, 08:32:26 PM: bap beta khana kha rahy thy,,,beta aba jan chipkali halal hai ya haram,,bap bura sa mun banaty huy..oohun khana khaty wakt gandi batien nahi karty..bacha chup ho gaya..
khany sy farigh ho ka..pab han to beta kahoo tum kia pooch rahy thy?
beta abu ab kia faida chapkali to app kha gay..
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Nuno on February 01, 2006, 03:06:05 PM: ak bacha ..dokan dar sa uncle uncle ap ka pass pencile hay dokan dar han hay bacha mary pass bhi hay
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on February 01, 2006, 10:30:31 PM: (http://img368.imageshack.us/img368/4402/munfar005ii.gif)
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on February 01, 2006, 10:33:22 PM: (http://img375.imageshack.us/img375/4738/munfar016ga.gif)
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Nuno on February 02, 2006, 11:09:54 PM: wife: last time u giftted a iron chair to my mom wat u r going to gift her this time

husband(with irritaion): this time iam gonna put electric current in that chair
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Nuno on February 02, 2006, 11:10:32 PM: wife: last time u giftted an iron chair to my mom wat u r going to gift her this time?

husband(with irritaion): this time iam gonna put electric current in that chair
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Sheereen on February 03, 2006, 10:39:57 AM: :> X: aap chinese hein?
Y: nahi.....
X: aap chinese hein?
Y: kahaa hai na, nahi!
X: acha acha, woh to sab theek hai... lakin aap chinese hein?
Y: nahi nahi nahi!!!! ab agar tum ne yeh poocha to mein tumhein maroon ga!
X: ok, waisay bhai jan, aap chinese hein?
Y beats X badly.......X (maar khaanay ke baad): yaar banda kuch lihaaz kar leta hai, yeh to batayein ke kia aap chinese hein?.....
Y: nahi huun... (then Y runs and get to thee roof top of a high building, X follows him and get there too)...
then on the roof top:.....
X: aap chinese hein?
Y: nahi huun nahi huun nahi huun..ab agar kahaa na to mein jump kar doon ga roof se
X: acha! to phir aap chinese hein?
Y runz, n jumps from the roof...X follows him and jumps too..
in the air while falling:.....
X: aap chinese hein?
Y: nahi, (then both fall down n get injured)
X: aap aik baar kah kyun nahi daitay ke aap chinese hein?
Y: acha haan...huun phir?.....X:Achaa!!!LAGTAY TO NAHI HO ....
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Nuno on February 05, 2006, 06:02:29 AM: Pehla Pagal : Ager tum batao kay is Box mein kia hai tu ye anday tumharay aur ager tum ye bata du kay ye kitnay anday hain tu 5 kay 5 tumharay aur ager tum ye bata dogay ye kis kay anday hain tu wo morgi bhi tumhari. Dosra Pagal : Yaar koi hint tu du.
Title: Joke of the day
Post by: Saima Baloch on February 10, 2006, 11:47:31 AM: (http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/2564/j026kk.gif)
Title: Re: Joke of the day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on February 10, 2006, 12:34:21 PM: Quote from: Saima Baloch
(http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/2564/j026kk.gif)

Kuch Samaj Nahi Aaya Ye Joke.By the way ye Joke thaa? :mrgreen:
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Nuno on February 10, 2006, 05:35:40 PM: .........MERY KHAYAL SY YAHAN VOTERZ KA KIRDAR ZIDA MASKHKOOK HAI...WOH PAKISTANI NAHI HON GY.............
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on February 10, 2006, 08:51:47 PM: Achaaaaaaaaaaaa Really Funny Joke WALLAh.Pehle tho Samaj nahi aaya Jab College se Online tha Lakin ab Yahan Se Online Hoon Tho samaj Aahee Gaya ye Joke.waqayee ye jOKE hAI. :mrgreen:
Title: Joke of the day
Post by: Saima Baloch on February 10, 2006, 09:04:54 PM: us wakat pete khali ta ya damag :mrgreen:
Title: Re: Joke of the day
Post by: Nuno on February 11, 2006, 02:57:36 AM: Quote from: Saima Baloch
us wakat pete khali ta ya damag :mrgreen:

:that was more funny than the privious one :mrgreen
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Nuno on February 11, 2006, 04:03:49 AM: (http://img334.imageshack.us/img334/7642/stupid89ge.gif) (http://imageshack.us)
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: DesertRose on February 16, 2006, 04:19:03 PM: Jim and Lynette were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim
suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool
and stayed there.

Lynette promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and
pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Lynette's heroic act, he
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she
now considered her to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell Lynette the news he said, "Lynette, I have good
news and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to
rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of
another patient.

I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad
news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe
belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Lynette replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.

How soon can I go home?
:o
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Nuno on February 22, 2006, 12:07:44 AM: jab wo pehli baar mili to chup thi
aur main tha k bolay jata tha
jab wo dobara mili to main chup tha
aur usay bolnay ka chuska tha jab
shadi hui to donon chup thay
aur bolnay wala mulla tha
aur ab ye haal hai k
donon boltay hain aur
saara muhalla hansta hai!!!
Title: Joke of the day
Post by: Saima Baloch on February 24, 2006, 04:50:22 PM: (http://img523.imageshack.us/img523/3683/wife022ar.gif)
Title: Joke of the day
Post by: Rind Baba on February 24, 2006, 05:11:38 PM: 35 People and an Irishman were in a 4 engine jumbo jet heading over the Pacific Ocean, Suddenly, a Message is announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen Engine #2 has Died, We will be 30 mins late"
"Damn!" Said the Irishman, 10 mins later, "I`m sorry people Engine #3 has died, We`ll be 1 hour late"
20 mins later, "Every one, engine # 4 has died,sorry, We`ll be 2 hours late"
Suddenly the Irish man speaks out, "Bloody hell, If the last engine goes we`ll be stuck up here all day!!"
Title: Joke of the day
Post by: patanaikonn on February 25, 2006, 03:37:56 AM: eik bichoo sy kisi ny poocha:"app sardioon main kyon nahi nikalty?"
bichoo bola" garmioon main nikalta hun to konsi ezzat milti hai jo sardioon main bhi aoon"
Title: Joke of the day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on February 25, 2006, 10:44:34 AM: Engagement:

A soldier serving overseas and far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote
breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together
and sent them to her with a note stating the following:
''Regret cannot remember which one is you ... please keep your photo and return the others.''
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on February 26, 2006, 10:18:47 PM: (http://www.loveurdu.com/urdu-jokes/satar/satar52.gif)
(http://www.loveurdu.com/urdu-jokes/satar/satar53.gif)
(http://www.loveurdu.com/urdu-jokes/satar/satar54.gif)
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Saima Baloch on February 27, 2006, 11:55:21 AM: (http://img96.imageshack.us/img96/2081/wife037xa.gif)
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on March 05, 2006, 06:33:13 PM: A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.

"No, from skipping," replied the blonde. :mrgreen:
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on March 05, 2006, 07:38:19 PM: One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two
men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got
out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?"he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food.", The poorman replied. "Oh, come along
with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!",he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as
large as the limo.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows says "Sir, you are too kind. Thank
you for taking all of us with you."
The rich man replied "No, I appreciate you: the grass at my home is about
three feet tall!"
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on March 05, 2006, 07:41:24 PM: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.vERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Funny Brother. :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: DesertRose on March 20, 2006, 05:40:34 PM: On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.

He approached the young man and calmly said to him, How much do you earn?" The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn 4000 a month, Sir. Why?"

Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed 12000 cash And gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is 3 months'salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".

The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight. Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies for everybody in this company". He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who 's the young man that I just fired ?"

To which an amazing reply came of,

"He was the pizza delivery man,Sir...!!!" :mrgreen:
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: DesertRose on March 20, 2006, 05:48:17 PM: A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was
nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope
propped up prominently on the center of the bed.

It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the
envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

"Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope
with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with
mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so
nice-even with all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle
clothes.

But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we
will be very happy.

Even though you don't care for her as she is so much older than I, she
already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the
whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's
now one of my dreams too.

Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be
growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the
cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime we'll pray that science
will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of
myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know
your grandchildren.

Your son, John

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in
life than my REPORT CARD that's in my desk center drawer.

I love you!
Call when it is safe for me to come home. "
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on March 20, 2006, 06:01:22 PM: WIFE WANTED

Fisherman:
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motor boat.

Salesman:
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career!

Economist:
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.

Mathematician:
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.

IT Consultant:
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue.

Business Man:
Wife wanted for company.

Politician:
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society................. (etc etc and never getting to the point)

Car Dealer:
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition.

Farmer:
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.

Lawyer:
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.

Pilot:
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!

Banker: :mrgreen:
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

Shair(Poet):
Bari muddat keh baad eik arazoo jaagi hai,
Key hum bhe shaadi shooda ho jaayeh,
Kya bahaana shaadi karaney ka...............
Joh kurrey sarey sarey,
Yeah mai butaatah hoon .........
Kyoon key yaroo ub khud ghur keh kaam hotah nahee sarey sarey.

Accountant:
Required a girl - 5'8". She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.

Sharabi (Drinker):
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round. Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to ghar-bar(home). Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be ample.

Mini Cab Driver:
Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm calling from base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not necessary, but maps reading skills are a bonus.

Beggar:
Allah kay naam peh koi eik biwi dey dey, Doosrey kee nahi to upni hee dey dey, Allah terah bhalla karray, Tujhey eik key badlay doh dey dey, Hillery hogi toh Monika bhi dey dey!

Builder:
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.

Doctor:
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.

Army Commando:
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided.

Race Car Driver:
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace!

Astronaut:
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!
Title: ADVANTAGE OF BEING AN ARAB
Post by: DesertRose on March 27, 2006, 07:37:12 PM: An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. One dayhe decided that he would love to plant potatoes and herbs in his garden, but he knew he was alone and too old and weak. His son was in college in Paris, so the old man sent him an e-mail explaining
the problem:

"Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden.I am sure, if only you were here, that you would help me and dig up the garden for me.
I love you,
your father." :((

The following day, the old man received a response e-mail from his son:

"Beloved father, please don't touch the garden. That is where I have hidden 'the THING.' I love you, too, Ahmed."

At 4pm the FBI and the Rangers visited the house of the old man and took the whole garden apart, searching every inch. But they couldn't find anything.Disappointed, they left the house. :evil:

The next day, the old man received another e-mail from his son:

"Beloved father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That is all I could do for you from here.

Your loving son,

Ahmed." :mrgreen:
Title: Re: ADVANTAGE OF BEING AN ARAB
Post by: Ahmed on March 27, 2006, 08:47:00 PM: Quote from: DesertRose

Your loving son,

Ahmed."

:% :% :%

Thank God for blessing me with this much wisdom..

Gwaduri, I claimed it first. :)
Title: Joke of the Day
Post by: Mahnaaz on March 27, 2006, 09:01:47 PM: NICE JOB AHMED .[/b]
:mrgreen:
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Mahgul on April 01, 2006, 09:36:23 PM: . :)

There were two Christians Travelling on a plane. Sitting behind them was a Muslims. As they realized that a Muslims is Travelling with them. They started talking loudly with each other.
James said to Tim.
Tim where r u going, hopefully to Dubai.
Tim said Nah
There are too many Muslims, streets and roods are flooded with them.
James smiles and said then u must be going to Iran.
Tim said r u mad, Muslims in Iran are more fanatic and mad then Dubai.
Muslim who was listening to them could not bear it and said hey u both go to hell, for sure there would be no Muslim
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Imran on April 03, 2006, 05:19:25 AM: TODAY'S BREAKING, NEWS BULLETIN:

Today local police station toilet was stolen, leavin a big hole in ground. Police say they have nothing to go on, but they are looking into it hehehehe ( its paki police) :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on April 04, 2006, 10:49:20 PM: (http://img291.imageshack.us/img291/3244/stupid30ds.png)
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on April 05, 2006, 11:25:34 PM: Quote from: Imran on April 03, 2006, 05:19:25 AM
TODAY'S BREAKING, NEWS BULLETIN:

Today local police station toilet was stolen, leavin a big hole in ground. Police say they have nothing to go on, but they are looking into it hehehehe ( its paki police) :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

:mrgreen: Good one mate
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Mahgul on April 14, 2006, 05:01:04 PM: There were two Christians Travelling on a plane. Sitting behind them was a Muslims. As they realized that a Muslims is Travelling with them. They started talking loudly with each other.
James said to Tim.
Tim where r u going, hopefully to Dubai.
Tim said Nah
There are too many Muslims, streets and roods are flooded with them.
James smiles and said then u must be going to Iran.
Tim said r u mad, Muslims in Iran are more fanatic and mad then Dubai.
Muslim who was listening to them could not bear it and said hey u both go to hell, for sure there would be no Muslim
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Mahgul on April 14, 2006, 10:24:11 PM: (1).NA TUM JANO NA HUM...

kyon chalti hai pawan...

because of evaporation

kyon jhoome hai gagan...

because of earth's revolution

kyon machalta hai mann...

because of excessive respiration

na tum janno na hum...

but i just gave all the answers

kyon aati hai bahaar...

because of change in season

kyon lutata hai karaar...

becuase of mental tension

because of fatal attraction

na tum janno na hum...

like i said these are all science phenomena

kyon gum hai har disha...

because u have lost the sense of direction

kyon hota hai nasha...

because of drug addiction

na tum jaano na hum...
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Mahgul on April 14, 2006, 10:29:06 PM: Maine Kaha Dil-Ruba- Usne kaha Paise Dikha. Maine Kaha-Paise Nahi Usne kaha Kaise Nahi Maine Kaha Mehangayi Hai.. Usne Kaha-Ja Tu mera Bhai Hai....
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Saima Baloch on April 22, 2006, 06:41:43 PM: (http://img180.imageshack.us/img180/3746/wife43wm.gif)
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Mahnaaz on April 30, 2006, 03:16:51 PM: A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
Title: Shru kisnay kya tha???
Post by: زینوک Zenok on May 01, 2006, 10:24:01 AM: Ek baar Ek Intelligent Software Engineer ek MNC maen interview dene jata hai.
Interview maen manager poochta hai

So.. Mr. Software Engineer , what do u expect for the salary ?
"Software Engineer : "Ziada nahi sahab, bus mahine ka Rs 80 hazaar, Ek chota sa bunglow, Ek gadi, ar kuch naukar-chakar"

Manager: "Ok Mr Software Engineer , Hum aapko mahiney ka ek Lakh pachas hazzar, Ek bada sa bunglow, Ek BMW gadi with a Driver, aap ke baccho ko school ka admission, aur 10 Naukar apki wife ke liye" detay haen. Khush??

Software Engineer is very excited
Software Engineer : "Kyo sahab mazaak kartey ho!"

Manager: "Shuru kisne kiya tha?"
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: DesertRose on May 12, 2006, 03:57:30 PM: A friend emailed this to me and I would like to share it with you :)

Please click on the Red Car to activate.

http://www.flashfunpages.com/blondes.html

Sorry Blondes :mrgreen:
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on May 12, 2006, 08:42:34 PM: Believe it or not !!!

Nearly 14 crore people visit this page every day

Scroll down…………………..

Scroll down…………………..

Scroll down…………………..

Scroll down…………………..

Scroll down…………………..

Scroll down…………………..

Scroll down…………………..

Scroll down…………………..

Scroll down…………………..

Scroll down…………………..

Scroll down…………………..

Scroll down…………………..

This page cannot be displayed
The page you are looking for is currently unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your browser settings.
Please try the following:
Click the Refresh button, or try again later.
If you typed the page address in the Address bar, make sure that it is spelled correctly.
To check your connection settings, click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options. On the Connections tab, click Settings . The settings should match those provided by your local area network (LAN) administrator or Internet service provider (ISP).
See if your Internet connection settings are being detected. You can set Microsoft Windows to examine your network and automatically discover network connection settings (if your network administrator has enabled this setting).
1. Click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options.
2. On the Connections tab, click LAN Settings.
3. Select Automatically detect settings , and then click OK.
Some sites require 128-bit connection security. Click the Help menu and then click About Internet Explorer to determine what strength security you have installed.
If you are trying to reach a secure site, make sure your Security settings can support it. Click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options. On the Advanced tab, scroll to the Security section and check settings for SSL 2.0 , SSL 3.0, TLS 1.0, PCT 1.0.
Click the Back button to try another link.

Cannot find server or DNS Error
Internet Explorer
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on May 21, 2006, 12:55:14 AM: A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks a bold question:

Wife: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

Husband: "Definitely not!"

Wife: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

Husband: "Of course I do."

Wife: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

Husband: "Okay, I'd get married again."

Wife: "You would?" (with a hurtful look on her face).

Husband: (makes audible groan).

Wife: "Would you live in our house?"

Husband: "Sure, it's a great house."

Wife: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

Husband: "Where else would we sleep?"

Wife: "Would you let her drive my car?"

Husband: "Probably, it is almost new."

Wife: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

Husband: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

Wife: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

Husband: "No, she's left-handed."

Wife: -- silence --

Husband: "Shit."
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on May 24, 2006, 10:58:09 AM: Wife to her husband, "how much do you love me ?"
Husband, " like how Shahjahan loved Mumtaz ....!"
Wife, "then will you make Taj Mahal for me once I am dead ?"
Husband, "I have already bought the plot, but you are the one who is delaying the project."

---------------

A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the Sardar replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, "Wash Basin"
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: زینوک Zenok on May 28, 2006, 04:48:07 PM: A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country and is told that he is free to choose any.

He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you of a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they all are more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Pakistani hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you of a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Pakistani devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"It's because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen....
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: زینوک Zenok on May 30, 2006, 01:49:49 PM: (http://www.loveurdu.com/urdu-jokes/jockNew/women09.gif)

(http://www.loveurdu.com/urdu-jokes/Mehbooba/Mehbooba13.gif)

(http://www.loveurdu.com/urdu-jokes/Mehbooba/Mehbooba12.gif)
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Sameer noor on May 30, 2006, 06:40:54 PM: So funny :hehe:.....nice joke
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: گوادری Gwaduri on June 01, 2006, 09:35:30 AM: DEMOCRATIC DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PAKISTAN AND USA

In USA : you can KISS at public places but can not PISS
In PAKISTAN: you can PISS at public places but can not KISS...!
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Braveheart on June 06, 2006, 01:14:52 PM: nice jokes E:D3
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: DesertRose on June 07, 2006, 05:43:04 PM: Till now you might have heard that clothes reflect ones personality.

Well now that fact is as old as pin tux.

Here's an interesting forward that claims to reveal your personality traits
according to the way you undress. So are you a pealer or a teaser?

Well, the way you undress might just help you discover yourself better.

Go on and indulge in self-exploration. Throw, dump, remove, just do your own
thing...

1. If you throw your clothes all over the place, you're a friendly,
life-of-the-party type. You are free with your thoughts and opinions, not
caring much about what others think of you.

Your parents might think your room looks like a cyclone's hit it? But it
actually represents your happy, individualistic nature! Stay that way!

2. If you remove each piece of clothing and put it away carefully, you are a
serious person who likes life to be very calm. You are comfortable with
routine work. And you believe that the best way to deal with life's problems
is to prevent them in the first place.

You are a perfectionist. By nature you are quite shy. You're dependable and
sometimes intense. You think carefully before making decisions. You go about
your tasks methodically, with concentration.

3.If you take off the shirt, and ten minutes later get around to the pants,
you are an extremely self-confident person. You are naturally bright and
intellectual.

You are also a deep thinker who loves to ask questions and ponder over the
meaning of things.

You hate being rushed and you do not like to be hassled. Usually you like a
lot of free time for yourself.

4.If you get out of your clothes as quickly as possible, you are
concerned about others and what they expect from you, but you're worried
about your own needs.

You are family-oriented, and stay extremely busy.

You often feel stressed, but most of those heavy expectations come from your
own head! Give yourself a break, you don't have to be perfect!

5.If you take off your rings, earrings, necklace, watch, etc before anything
else, you are a warm and sensitive person.

You are considerate and thoughtful, and you give good advice to your
friends. You are a natural born romantic.

Helping friends or anybody for that matter is your second nature. You hate
liars and you would love the world to become a better place.

6. If you don't have an undressing routine and you never do it the same way
twice, you are a very curious and interesting person. You enjoy a broad
range of activities. You take risks and enjoy fun and adventure.

The word monotony cannot dampen your spirits at any cost, as you live life
king-size. Having fun is as much a part of your routine as slogging it out
at office.
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on June 18, 2006, 08:47:22 PM: Aik MEMON raat k khane k time par apnay bachon sai kehta hai k jo khana nahi khai ga usko 5 rupai milain gai sabh khana nahi khatai aur 5 rupai lai laitai hain subah nashtai k waqt MEMON phir bachon sai kehta hai k abh jo 5 rupai daiga usai nashta milaiga.... :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on June 18, 2006, 08:58:07 PM: Hugli Hugli
Dugli DUgli
Bugli Bugli
Ugly Ugly Busssssssssssssss!!

Hans mut yeh mantar Rang KAALA karne ka tha jo tune parh liya.....

Ab tera kia hoga KAAALIYAAA....???? (yh) (yh)
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on June 22, 2006, 09:28:13 PM: Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says,
“My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they
give him $50.“

The second boy says, “That“s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of
paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.“

The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece
of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!“
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on June 23, 2006, 06:38:38 PM: BOY:sorry main tumse shaadi nahin kar sakta gharwale mana kar rahai hain
GIRL: ghar main kon kon hai ?
BOY:1 BIWI aur 3 bachay (yh) :mrgreen:
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on July 20, 2006, 04:43:42 PM: Kya kabhi 1 aur 1 = 5 ho sakte hain.????

bilkul ho sakte hain

batao kaise

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Galti se

Ha ha ha ha :mrgreen: E:D3 (yh)
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Mahnaaz on August 21, 2006, 11:01:47 PM: A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".
Title: Joke of the Day (Daughter's Prayer )
Post by: Rind Baba on August 23, 2006, 11:25:12 PM: Daughter's Prayer

A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie," the woman said.

Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear Lord, why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner!?!" :mrgreen:
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Nuno on August 25, 2006, 07:13:16 PM: there's a new chinese diet out--
" eat all you want, but you are allowed only one chopstick"
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on September 14, 2006, 11:25:12 PM: A little boy asked his father

"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

And the father replied,

"I don't know son, I'm still paying".
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Deedag on September 23, 2006, 08:15:19 PM: ~~ MUNNABHAI JOKES ~~

PRINCIPAL:
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.

MUNNA BHAI:
Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu?

-------------------------------------------------------
CIRCUIT:
Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?

SHORT CIRCUIT:
Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehla hai

-------------------------------------------------------------
MAMU:
Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.

MAMU KA DOST:
Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha

-----------------------------------------------------------------
MUNNA BHAI:
Mamu, tu kitna pada hai?

MAMU:
B.A.

MUNNA BHAI:
Sala, two akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta?

--------------------------------------------------------------------
MUNNA BHAI:
Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.

MAMU:
Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?

MUNNA BHAI:
Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.

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CIRCUIT:
Aye Mamu, tereko papar aur jhapar mein pharak pata hai kya?

MAMU:
Nehin.

CIRCUIT:
To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.

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MUNNA BHAI:
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?

CIRCUIT:
Bhai, gaadi hai.

MUNNA BHAI:
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?

CIRCUIT:
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PROFESSOR:
Akal bari ki bhains?

MUNNA BHAI:
Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MAMU:
Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Tamil sikhna padega. Kuch upay batao.

MUNNA BHAI:
Kannada kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?

MAMU:
Meinay ek Tamil baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CIRCUIT:
Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.

MUNNABHAI:
Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?

CIRCUIT:
Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MAMU:
Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?

GIRL:
Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol para?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
CIRCUIT:
Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.

MUNNA BHAI:
Aye Circuit, woh Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.

CIRCUIT:
Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.

MUNNA BHAI:
Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.

CIRCUIT:
Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PROFESSOR:
Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?

MUNNA BHAI:
Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Nuno on October 06, 2006, 02:03:10 PM: A punjabi went to hajj and he was praying.
"Aye Allah tera ghar kitni barkaton wala, or rehmatoon wala hai,
Aye alah tery ghar main kitna sukoon hai or yeah kitna Ammn wala hai.
Lekin .........lahore lahore hai"
Title: Talking Chinese
Post by: زینوک Zenok on December 05, 2006, 12:15:13 PM: Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can
speak to me. Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's
urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone!
But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe
Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe
Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his
way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the
hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find
this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your
name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on January 14, 2007, 07:56:15 PM: Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime!
WIFE satys No, it means -
With Idiot for Ever.
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Makkurani on January 29, 2007, 12:39:00 PM: A panjabi called a newspaper office & asked Mera Baap margeya hai news kai kiya charges hogai?
Newspaper: Rs 50 per word.
Panjabi: ohhhh buhat jayada hai acha likho " Shujaat Bhai Died"
Newspaper: Sir it should be minimum 6 words.
Panjabi: oh ho jara sochnay do..........
>
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Acha likho "Shujaat Bhai died-Suzuki for sale"
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on April 04, 2007, 04:50:55 PM: Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.
Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then George W. Bush says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws Bill Clinton off the plane.
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Makkurani on May 23, 2007, 01:46:39 AM: THE BOSS

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:

"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.

"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:

"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

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"Coz . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . ."
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Alhaan on June 05, 2007, 05:40:54 PM: A couple of friends were flying to Rome for a holiday. An hour into the trip, the flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "The pilot has just informed me that we've lost an engine. There's no need for alarm, though. We have three engines left, and we'll just be an hour late."

About another hour into the flight she made another announcement. ''We've lost another engine. Don't worry. We still have two more, but we'll be another hour late.''

One guy turned to his friend and said, ''Man, if we lose the other two engines, we'll be up here all day.''
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on January 28, 2008, 08:01:31 PM: Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the
train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for
20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed
when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else". :mrgreen:
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on February 20, 2008, 07:07:19 PM: Jones applied to a finance agency for a job, but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he'd get the job.

Two hours later, Jones came back with the entire amount. "Amazing!" the manager said. "How did you do it?"

"Easy," Jones replied. "I told him if he didn't pay up, I'd tell all his other creditors he paid us."
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Hamgerench on February 25, 2008, 06:16:40 PM: King of the Jungle?

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!

Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!"

On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away.

The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Mir Alihan on February 29, 2008, 12:24:18 AM: Heart Transplant

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor.

The doctor said, “We have three possible donors; tell me which one you want to use. One is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died in his private plane. The third is an attorney who just died after practicing law for 30 years.”

“I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,” said the patient.

After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did.

“It was easy,” the patient replied. “I wanted a heart that hadn’t been used.”
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Mir Alihan on February 29, 2008, 06:44:12 PM: """Terminology"""

"""Important Legal Terminology"""

"""""When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law BEFORE the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice.

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law AFTER the criminal has been arrested, we call him a defense attorney!!!!!!!""""""
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Hamgerench on March 03, 2008, 07:30:48 PM: Lacking All Religion

"""A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?"

Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans."

"You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian?"

With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones. You must be lookin for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here."

The young determined preacher tried again asking the farmer, "Are you lost?"

"Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer.

"Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked.

This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?"

Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day." Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days."""
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Hamgerench on March 03, 2008, 07:31:54 PM: Best Patients

"""Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."""
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Shabib on March 09, 2008, 10:40:59 AM: Harry did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep.

All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a cowl standing in front of his bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? And, who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT? Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die.....I'm too young." said Harry. "If I'm dead, I want you to send me back immediately."

"It's not that easy", said St. Peter, "you can only return as a dog or a hen. You can choose on your own."

Harry thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.

"I want to return as a hen." Harry replied.

And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But man, now "he" felt like the rear end was gonna blow........then along came the rooster.

"Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm." he said. "How does it feel?"

"Well, its OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is blowing up."

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. Have you never laid an egg before??"

"No, how do I do that?" Harry asked.

"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."

Harry clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'Plop' and an egg was on the ground.

"Wow" Harry said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:

"Harry, for Gods sake wake up, you'are shitting all over the bed!"
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Shabib on March 09, 2008, 11:24:54 AM: See the advantages or disadvantages of technological developments.
The multi-purpose card is the latest version of our perpetually metamorphosing IC.

With an embedded smart chip, it can also store our medical history, driver's license, acts as an ATM card, serve as an electronic purse and even be used at the National Library.
A likely scenario when ordering pizzas in the near future... Mr. Singh the customer is ordering Pizza....

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your."

Customer: "Hello, can I order."

Operator: "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold on...... 6102049998-45-54610"

Operator: "OK... you're... Mr. Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu.
Your home number is 40942366, your office 7645 2302 and your mobile is 014 266 2566.
Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?"

Operator: "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza."

Operator: "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator: "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What? What do you recommend then?"

Operator: "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator: "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"

Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"

Operator: "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year.
That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator: "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator: "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle."

Customer: "What!"

Operator: "According to the details in system, you own a Scooter, registration number E1123."

Customer: " *'!^ *%^**%^I7*"

Operator: "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman?"

Customer: [Speechless]

Operator: "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator: "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic."

Mr. Singh faints.
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Shabib on March 11, 2008, 09:15:33 AM: IT IS AN OLD ONE BUT IT IS WORTH READING

CASE 1
Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order
what you want, and then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish
you had ordered that.

CASE 2
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing
your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am.
I married the wrong man."

CASE 3
Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then when he is married, he
is finished.

CASE 4
Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor's degree
and the woman gets her master's status.

CASE 5
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying
for it."

CASE 6
Young son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a
man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in
most countries son."

CASE 7
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was
until I got married, and then it was too late."

CASE 8
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and
the wife takes

CASE 9
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

CASE 10
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In
the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third
year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

CASE 11
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool
when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in
love and didn't notice it."

CASE 12
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". The next day,
he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing "You can
have mine."

CASE 13
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of
one thing: either the car is new or his wife is new.

CASE 14
A woman was telling her friend: "It is I who made my husband a
millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" the friend
asked. The woman replied, "A multimillionaire."
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Hamgerench on March 16, 2008, 04:02:42 PM: Talking to God

A man climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A minute."

The man asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A penny."

The man asks, "Can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute."
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Perozai R!nd on May 30, 2008, 01:10:36 PM: chaudry shujoooooooo lost...
(http://img341.imageshack.us/img341/4491/shujaatax1.jpg)
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Mir Alihan on August 17, 2008, 02:45:50 PM: A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boy's position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the childs level, the man smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

The boy replies, "Now we run!"
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: SAEED ALI BALOCH on February 07, 2009, 03:45:56 PM: Teacher: I wish you pay a little attention to what I teach.
Asad: Sir! I am paying as little as I can.
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: SAEED ALI BALOCH on February 09, 2009, 10:21:01 AM: Dog Watch
Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"

Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Rind Baba on April 09, 2009, 12:10:43 AM: wash kand :hehe:
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: ALBALUSHI on January 18, 2010, 09:59:08 AM: Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems,

which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to

check this.

2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-

cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door

key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to

trace. Please rectify this problem.

4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft

sentence', so when you will provide that?

5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon

which shows 'My Computer': when you will povide the remaining items?

6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a

single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that .

7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use

the PC at home only.

8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past

Documents'?

9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My

Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office

hours.

Regards,

Banta

Last one to Mr Bill Gates :

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Zainab Baloch on April 23, 2010, 10:37:03 PM: Sardar reaction on weather forecast

Once a Sardar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so.
He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
E|
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Zainab Baloch on April 29, 2010, 03:27:23 PM: PROFESSOR
Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI
Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.
:hehe: bigsmile
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: Zainab Baloch on April 29, 2010, 03:30:25 PM: MUNNA BHAI: Mamu, tu kitna pada hai?
MAMU: B.A.
MUNNA BHAI: aray mamu,do akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta?
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: fairybaloch on May 26, 2010, 01:46:38 AM: A PATHAN WAS PERFORMING A BIOLOGY PRACTICAL TEST...
TEACHER::SEE THESE LEGS OF BIRDS AND TELL ME THIER NAME...
PATHAN::I DON'T KNOW...
TEACHER::UR FAIL...,WHAT'S UR NAME?
PATHAN::SEE MY LEGS AND TELL ME MY NAME..... :hehe:
Title: Re: Joke of the Day
Post by: fairybaloch on June 16, 2010, 07:38:08 PM: TEACHER:what do u call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: teacher :hehe: