The new family in the neighborhood overslept, and their six-year-old daughter missed her school bus.
The father, though late for work, had to drive her if she'd direct him to the school.
They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes - but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a short distance from their home.
The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she'd led him around in such a circle.
The child explained, "That's the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It's the only way I know."
-=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1989."
"You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly.
"No," he replies, "a 1989 Cadillac."
-=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-
"Wacky Warning Labels"
Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product." That warning is the first place winner of the 2004 Wacky Warning Label Contest. The Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, a group whose goal is to show that the fear of frivolous lawsuits has led to a loss of corporate common sense, sponsors the annual contest for the wackiest warning labels.
Second place: On a snow sled: "Beware: sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions."
Third place: On a 12-inch-high storage rack for compact discs: "Do not use as a ladder."
Fourth place: A 5-inch fishing lure with three nasty steel hooks advises it is "Harmful if swallowed." Too bad fish can't read!
-=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-
Woman's Dictionary
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
-=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-
Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony. "Help, help!" yells one of the blondes. "Help us, help us!" yells the other.
"Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde.
"Good idea," said the other.
So the both started yelling, "Together! Together!"
The End
